What is Conformity?

At first glance it seems that more than ever in history people today can be who they want to be. We believe in the motto "Be what you want to be!" and "You can do anything you want!" These slogans serve not only as encouragement for individuality, but they constitute also a fundamental part of the American Dream, thinking that each of us is the master of our own destiny and that our choices, efforts, and abilities alone can determine the outcome of our lives. This powerful ideology embraces diversity of any kind and is being promoted in educational institutions, the  media, and the grass-root environment. The recent legal changes granting rights to the LGBT community highlight this point. However, despite the legal achievements and the strong emphasis on individuality and personal choices in this democracy, there seems to be far less room for tolerance, acceptance, and diversity in our real daily lives. The recent strong political polemic against Hispanics, women. and other "minorities" as well as the acute crises in Baton Rouge and Orlando for example illustrate this development further. Despite the changing legislation to protect the rights of individuals, an increasing number of minority groups have become targets of violent attacks all over the country and the current level of political disengagement of the masses and social conformity is extremely worrisome.

Non-conformity is not innate, it has to be taught. I was made aware of this last fall at an elementary school's Halloween parade. Halloween being the holiday, where creative minds can go all out and display their weirdest visions, the sight of hundreds of kids walking in lines in similar or identical store-bought costumes representing movie heroes/heroines was rather sobering. Of the about 600 students in the parade, only about 25 had creative, individual costumes. For many parents it is time constraints and work pressures, that they do not engage with their kids in creating their own costumes from things they already have at home. Some may fear their kids will look unprofessional, if they make their own and may be bullied as a result. They want to save themselves and their kids potential embarrassment by not being creative. For other parents it may be about keeping up appearances and they would not like to admit that they are not perfect and cannot create catalogue-like costumes from scratch. A lot of times, it is the kids who fear to be different and want to wear the exact same costumes as their best friends.

As we all know, it takes courage to stand out, be seen, and make yourself vulnerable as you will be judged by all those who don't dare to be different. Is conformity so widespread these days, because, despite the constant promotion of the ideology of difference, kids don't actually have the chance to practice it? And maybe they also haven't witnessed a lot of non-conformity in action by others? Most people just want to blend in with the crowd. They feel safe by staying invisible, by not developing their own personality or individuality and by not making themselves vulnerable to the judgment of others. Conformity is the innate human desire to adapt to others and mimic the behavior of the group as a form of self-protection. Those who conform do it out of fear of being singled out, fear of being put in the spotlight, of being detected. Non-conformity takes courage and strength.

At times, parents move their kids towards conformity. Despite the promises of being similarly accepted, loved and cherished, should the kids choose to be different, parents often don't embrace diversity themselves and may unconsciously push their kids to be like everyone else. Some parents are worried that their kids might not be accepted by their peers, so they do everything they can to make them conform. They preemptively buy them all the peer-approved outfits and material supplies they allegedly need. Parents are quite aware that the child may be traumatized or bullied if they don't. Some overdo it, overspend, and bridge the economic gap that sets some kids apart from others. However, many parents may also push their kids toward conformity in other, more subtle ways. If adults are different from their neighbors and other peer groups in terms of ethnic, cultural, economic or other terms, they may tend to try to conform in appearances outside the home even stronger. Although most parents have the best intentions for the kids to feel safe and appear to be the same as everyone else, they do not set a good example of how to live and be comfortable with their own diversity. We have to remember that every time we conform out of insecurity or fear, we suspend our fundamental right to be different. Kids learn from observing their parents, teachers, and guardians, but if these fail to be tolerant, don't embrace diversity, lack to show braveness or non-conformity, kids will most likely emulate them, despite all the rhetoric about celebrating diversity.

It is strange that in the liberal democracies of the West, where people theoretically embrace diversity, and legislation has become much more inclusive (granting rights to many new, formerly unrecognized minority groups), individuals from all walks of life prefer to conform to each other to the most possible extent. If we choose to adapt and emulate, we lose the freedom to live lives that display our own individual preferences and beliefs. If we do not raise the current slim level of tolerance toward others and diminish the fear that people experience while living individualistic lives, our world will lose much of its charm that lies in difference. Eventually people will stop considering things beyond the norm and freedoms that we legally have, but are frown upon, will cease to be used. If we want our kids to grow up in a democratic environment, we not only have to teach them about courage, diversity, tolerance toward others, but we also have to continuously set examples for them. They should know that they can only enjoy life to the fullest, if they have the chance to discover their own individuality. This requires civil courage and deep conversations with our kids. There is no easy fix. Parents have to show that they are not afraid to stand out, that they are willing to help those who are being bullied and defend all kinds of minorities. Especially in this political climate of fear and finger-pointing, where minorities are constantly being targeted, civil courage will be needed to save our individual democratic rights and pass them on to future generations.

What is Laziness?

We all have lazy days when we do not want to get up, drag taking a shower, getting dressed, and simply do not want to accomplish anything. Usually laziness occurs after we have completed a bigger project almost like a reward to ourselves, e.g. after acing a test, doing a good job at a major meeting, signing a big client, etc. We allow ourselves to relax and recover for a short period of time, recharge, and then get ready for the next challenge. However, for some people, laziness has turned from a temporary condition into a chronic condition or a life style. As obesity and physical inactivity are on the rise, laziness has also become an alarming health risk as it is responsible for about 5 million deaths a year that could be prevented.

Chronic laziness has nothing to do with recovery time. Instead, it happens when one would be expected to do something productive, but one cannot and doesn't even intend to do it. While procrastination and laziness share some commonalities since in both cases individuals do not do what they are expected to, psychologists have found that procrastinators intend to do them after a long period of avoiding them, whereas people with chronic laziness have no intention of achieving anything. In their world, the effort it takes to complete a task doesn't seem worth it, so they simply refuse to do it, without consciously deciding so. Laziness is the avoidance of physical and intellectual challenges, any kind of stimulation, change, or long-term goals. The only goal of the chronically lazy individual is the maintenance of status quo. A recent study by Vanderbilt University has detected that not only the minds, but also brain functions were altered in people with chronic laziness. They found that people with less motivation have a different brain activity from those that are highly motivated. Amounts of the chemical dopamine in three brain regions determine if a person is a go-getter or an avoider of work. The chemical does distinct things in different areas of the brain. So while high levels of dopamine in some brain regions were associated with a high work ethic, a spike in another brain region seemed to indicate just the opposite — a person more likely to slack off, even if it meant smaller monetary rewards.

Chronic laziness is like giving up. It is filling time in the most meaningless ways and refusing to live one's life. It is a life without direction, passion, purpose, and connection. Laziness is not only harmful for the body and the brain, but most of all to the self as it systematically reduces self-confidence, self-worth, happiness, and the individual loses the feeling of being connected to the world. As laziness cannot be conquered, the individual loses hope and stability and settles into the mindset of disappointment with himself/herself. This paralysis that chronically lazy individuals find themselves in leads to and is even further increased by lethargy. Psychologists have found that laziness is often connected to Dependent Personality Disorder. An individual affected by this has low self-confidence and doesn't believe in their skills at all so that they are more comfortable to ask others to do something for them, instead of doing it themselves. Laziness has also been linked to Avoidant Personality Disorder, in which an individual is afraid of others' judgment of their performance and thus would rather not do anything (and risk being perceived as ignorant or unskilled) than being judged. A non-psychological, medical condition that chronic laziness has been linked to is Upper Airway Resistance Problem (URAP). URAP is a condition where a patient has smaller than average airway openings that prevent them from getting enough oxygen while in deep sleep. Due to the obstruction of airways, they suffer from chronic sleep deprivation and consider themselves too tired to engage in any kind of effort and thus avoid it. 

An article in the medical journal The Lancet explained in 2012 that for lazy individuals, who get close to no physical activity, the health risk factor is comparable to that of a heavy smoker or someone who is obese. In fact, some current research shows that inactivity now kills more people than smoking, which means that chronic laziness has become even more alarming. It is estimated for the UK that only 7 our of 10 individuals aging 15 and up reach the recommended amount of physical daily exercise. For teenagers aged 13-15 years the numbers are even more dramatic: 4 out of 5 do not move enough. Lack of exercise causes an estimated six percent of coronary heart disease cases, seven percent of type 2 diabetes (the most common form) and 10 percent of breast and colon cancers. Reducing inactivity by a mere 10 percent could eliminate more than half a million deaths every year. In a global comparison, the levels of inactivity in adults were especially alarming in the UK: 63.3% of adults (with higher rates in women than in men) do not meet recommended amounts of activity, such as walking briskly for 30 minutes or more five times a week or taking more vigorous exercise for 20 minutes three times a week. Only the numbers for Serbia and Malta in Europe were worse than those of the UK. For the U.S., the numbers were only slightly better, but still alarmingly high: The Center for Disease Control found that in 2008 about 52% of U.S. adults were not getting the recommended amount of exercise, although these numbers differed greatly with regards to ethnicity, socio-economic status, and level of education. A study by the University of Missouri revealed that blood sugar went increasingly out of control, the longer individuals remained inactive, but if inactivity is the chosen way of life, this experiment showed that the knock-on effect is that the insulin loses its effect and individuals are on the slippery slope to ill health.

Here in the United States, a strong misperception persists about laziness. It is generally assumed that poverty is the direct result of laziness and refusing to work hard, but in most cases the opposite is true. Many poor people have to work extra hard, e.g. several jobs just to get by, some are single parents which adds even more to their plate. In the wrong argumentation people neglect to factor in that here in the United States the social system (although based on hard work) does not grant the same opportunities to all socio-economic classes and once you end up in poverty in a bad neighborhood and a poor school district, it is extremely difficult to ever experience social upward mobility. Historically speaking, it was always the rich people who were physically more inactive as they could afford to hire helpers for any possible physical jobs, like cooking, cleaning, gardening, child-rearing, washing clothes, etc. Throughout history, poor people worked the hardest as they had little or no education and thus had to work more for less money while still having to organize their own lives to keep their families alive and afloat. In social market economies, where the government has a more secure network in place to help people who cannot work (due to mental of physcial restraints), cannot find work (due to high unemployment rate) or cannot find the right kind of work, etc. you will find more cases in which poor people will reject to work for money and chose to solely rely on welfare. In that context, the common link between poor and lazy is a bit more adequate.

With our change to online-culture and increased time spent sitting, inactivity has become much more prominent in the last decade, even more socially acceptable. And although all major religions (Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, Islam, and Buddhism) condemn laziness, it is still on the rise. All of them admonish their believers in their own way to stay on the religious path and stick to religious habits as a means to fight inertia and don't fall prey to sloth. Buddhism for example even distinguishes between three forms of laziness: 1. not wanting to do anything, 2. discouragement with the task at hand; 3. being too engaged in the world to remain conscious and reflective of oneself and the world. Buddhism also understands only experiencing superficial things and nothing profound (e.g. to many fun activities, but no focus in the self) as a form of boredom. In Hinduism inertia is one of the three ganas: 1. Sattwa = purity; 2. Raja = activeness, and 3. Tamas = inertia. The three ganas, Hindus believe, compete with each other and bind the self to the body. Each individual faces the challenge to keep inertia at bay. They believe that Tamas is born out of ignorance, causes delusion and strongly blinds the affected individual with miscomprehension, laziness, and sleep. In Judaism, time is perceived as sanctified and believers are constantly reminded of the fleeting character of time. Wasting time is considered evil and everyone is encouraged to make the most of every single moment. Similarly, in the Christian realm sloth is perceived as one of the seven deadly sins. "Idleness is the beginning of all vice," people believe. Despite the condemnation of laziness in all major religious and most cultural contexts, still millions of individuals die every year from the effects of physical and mental inactivity.

While chronic laziness has always been negative for one's health and mental state, throughout history the ambition to avoid hard work has served as inspiration for new inventions. Smart people who wanted to avoid physical work, always sought of ways to make life more comfortable and less physically challenging. Bill Gates is quoted having said that he would always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job, because he/she will always find an easy way to do it. In today's modern world however, the necessities and discomforts of survival have become so little challenging and almost non-existent that there is no requirement of physical activity, unless we create it for ourselves. This development requires a far more conscious and responsible individual who is willing to accept the challenge posed by this oversimplified world and consciously reject the path of least resistance. In many industrialized nations a good part of the population has become well aware (some by the "Sitting is the new Smoking" campaign) and try to integrate physical activity more and more into their daily lives. Some walk, run, or otherwise exercise during lunch break, add standing desks to their office furniture or bike or run to work to make sure that they get the recommended amount of physical activity. Next to that we also have to remember to keep challenging ourselves not only physically, but also intellectually, so that we don't fall into the trap of overindulging in time spent in passive, meaningless behaviors. We don't want to be remembered as the ones who did nothing of importance, wasted a lot of time, and died young, but as those who created great memories and added meaning and purpose to their own lives as well as that of others. It is especially important for parents to be role models and to protect their children from the patterns of inactivity, so that they can have a more fulfilling, active, and healthy life. We have to use the limited chain of moments on earth to do good and achieve something worthwhile for ourselves, our families, and our communities.

Is a Hug Just a Hug?

Recently the hug between U.S. President Obama and Indian Prime Minister Modi has gained a lot of traction in the media. Apparently it was a signal that the U.S. entered into a special relationship with India. The NYT reported that Obama did not expect anything other than a firm handshake after leaving his plane in India, but instead he had been upgraded to a welcome with a big hug. 

So with all the talk about what that specific hug actually means for the U.S.-Indian relationship, I can’t help but remember the hugs between leaders of the Eastern Bloc nations during the Cold War. The most memorable one for me (as a Western German) is the one between Soviet leader Leonid Brezhnev and Eastern German General Secretary Erich Honecker from 1979 (see below).

But hugs as political statement also lead to the more general question about the meaning of a tight squeeze. How much can one actually read into a hug? Does a hug always imply a silent message? And does a hug always mark the beginning of a special relationship? We all know that a hug is normally exchanged between close friends and family. Even between colleagues who celebrate special occasions such as birthdays, the birth of a new baby, getting married or engaged, for job promotions, baptisms, etc. But we also hug on sad occasions like funerals, after break-ups, after having failed. It always sends the message that one is not alone and can count on you, right?

But there are also lots of grey areas, where it is rather unclear whether a hug is appropriate or expected or the opposite. Have you ever had moments when you were not really sure? When you have no idea, if you should hug a person for hello and goodbye? I have experienced plenty or weirdness around hugs in different countries and distinct situations. First of all, there are cultural differences. When I lived in Denmark and slowly began to make new friends from a broad spectrum of religious, cultural, and national backgrounds, there was a lot of not knowing whether a hug would be appropriate. Yes, there seem to be cultural and social rules to hugging. The most culturally opposite with respect to hugging, if I remember correctly from my student days, were people from Latin America who were very inclusive with their hugs and those from China who were rather stiff and seemed to avoid all physical contact. 

"We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. 

We need 12 hugs a day for growth."

Medically, it is proven that hugs help people to stay healthy and stay connected. Every person needs 8 hugs per day to improve immunity, release tension, stress, and improve self-esteem and empathy. You may remember the image of a set of premature twin babies in a neonatal unit that was floating around the social media sites last year in which one of the twins was expected not to be able to survive.

Despite her orders, the supervising nurse placed the stronger twin into the bed with the weaker twin  and the most amazing thing happened: the stronger baby placed its arm around the sibling and thus helped her survive by embracing her. The hug helped to raise the sibling’s body temperature and stabilized her condition to that extent that she was able to survive.

This means that hugs have power. With every hug that is at least 10 seconds long the hormone oxytocin is released in our bodies. The result is not only improved self-esteem, the capability of fighting depression, it strengthens our immune system, lowers the risk of heart disease, and fights infections. Oxytocin also decreases the level of stress hormones (primarily cortisol) in our body and lowers our blood pressure response to anxiety-producing events. 

Medical evidence about the power of hugs goes even further: If parents hug their children every day and a hug lasts more than 10 seconds, the children will have a raised self-confidence and will walk through life much happier than those who don’t. One study of mothers affection towards their young children demonstrated that the brain volume of children with a nurturing and hugging mother was 10% larger than that of children with a mother that was not nurturing and didn't hug much. So there is a direct correlation between the development of a child’s brain and better memory and the amount of affection received from their primary care giver. Also another study showed that kids who did not get hugged enough have delayed development in walking, talking, and reading.

So what does it mean in the bigger picture? It means that we should stop worrying about those awkward seconds when we are about to greet a-not-so-close friend and embrace the moment. Carpe diem! Throw all those doubts overboard, denounce cultural, social taboos and lean in for the hug! Make sure to get your recommended 12 hugs a day to stay healthy and happy and form many special relationships.