What is Conformity?

At first glance it seems that more than ever in history people today can be who they want to be. We believe in the motto "Be what you want to be!" and "You can do anything you want!" These slogans serve not only as encouragement for individuality, but they constitute also a fundamental part of the American Dream, thinking that each of us is the master of our own destiny and that our choices, efforts, and abilities alone can determine the outcome of our lives. This powerful ideology embraces diversity of any kind and is being promoted in educational institutions, the  media, and the grass-root environment. The recent legal changes granting rights to the LGBT community highlight this point. However, despite the legal achievements and the strong emphasis on individuality and personal choices in this democracy, there seems to be far less room for tolerance, acceptance, and diversity in our real daily lives. The recent strong political polemic against Hispanics, women. and other "minorities" as well as the acute crises in Baton Rouge and Orlando for example illustrate this development further. Despite the changing legislation to protect the rights of individuals, an increasing number of minority groups have become targets of violent attacks all over the country and the current level of political disengagement of the masses and social conformity is extremely worrisome.

Non-conformity is not innate, it has to be taught. I was made aware of this last fall at an elementary school's Halloween parade. Halloween being the holiday, where creative minds can go all out and display their weirdest visions, the sight of hundreds of kids walking in lines in similar or identical store-bought costumes representing movie heroes/heroines was rather sobering. Of the about 600 students in the parade, only about 25 had creative, individual costumes. For many parents it is time constraints and work pressures, that they do not engage with their kids in creating their own costumes from things they already have at home. Some may fear their kids will look unprofessional, if they make their own and may be bullied as a result. They want to save themselves and their kids potential embarrassment by not being creative. For other parents it may be about keeping up appearances and they would not like to admit that they are not perfect and cannot create catalogue-like costumes from scratch. A lot of times, it is the kids who fear to be different and want to wear the exact same costumes as their best friends.

As we all know, it takes courage to stand out, be seen, and make yourself vulnerable as you will be judged by all those who don't dare to be different. Is conformity so widespread these days, because, despite the constant promotion of the ideology of difference, kids don't actually have the chance to practice it? And maybe they also haven't witnessed a lot of non-conformity in action by others? Most people just want to blend in with the crowd. They feel safe by staying invisible, by not developing their own personality or individuality and by not making themselves vulnerable to the judgment of others. Conformity is the innate human desire to adapt to others and mimic the behavior of the group as a form of self-protection. Those who conform do it out of fear of being singled out, fear of being put in the spotlight, of being detected. Non-conformity takes courage and strength.

At times, parents move their kids towards conformity. Despite the promises of being similarly accepted, loved and cherished, should the kids choose to be different, parents often don't embrace diversity themselves and may unconsciously push their kids to be like everyone else. Some parents are worried that their kids might not be accepted by their peers, so they do everything they can to make them conform. They preemptively buy them all the peer-approved outfits and material supplies they allegedly need. Parents are quite aware that the child may be traumatized or bullied if they don't. Some overdo it, overspend, and bridge the economic gap that sets some kids apart from others. However, many parents may also push their kids toward conformity in other, more subtle ways. If adults are different from their neighbors and other peer groups in terms of ethnic, cultural, economic or other terms, they may tend to try to conform in appearances outside the home even stronger. Although most parents have the best intentions for the kids to feel safe and appear to be the same as everyone else, they do not set a good example of how to live and be comfortable with their own diversity. We have to remember that every time we conform out of insecurity or fear, we suspend our fundamental right to be different. Kids learn from observing their parents, teachers, and guardians, but if these fail to be tolerant, don't embrace diversity, lack to show braveness or non-conformity, kids will most likely emulate them, despite all the rhetoric about celebrating diversity.

It is strange that in the liberal democracies of the West, where people theoretically embrace diversity, and legislation has become much more inclusive (granting rights to many new, formerly unrecognized minority groups), individuals from all walks of life prefer to conform to each other to the most possible extent. If we choose to adapt and emulate, we lose the freedom to live lives that display our own individual preferences and beliefs. If we do not raise the current slim level of tolerance toward others and diminish the fear that people experience while living individualistic lives, our world will lose much of its charm that lies in difference. Eventually people will stop considering things beyond the norm and freedoms that we legally have, but are frown upon, will cease to be used. If we want our kids to grow up in a democratic environment, we not only have to teach them about courage, diversity, tolerance toward others, but we also have to continuously set examples for them. They should know that they can only enjoy life to the fullest, if they have the chance to discover their own individuality. This requires civil courage and deep conversations with our kids. There is no easy fix. Parents have to show that they are not afraid to stand out, that they are willing to help those who are being bullied and defend all kinds of minorities. Especially in this political climate of fear and finger-pointing, where minorities are constantly being targeted, civil courage will be needed to save our individual democratic rights and pass them on to future generations.