Is a Hug Just a Hug?

Recently the hug between U.S. President Obama and Indian Prime Minister Modi has gained a lot of traction in the media. Apparently it was a signal that the U.S. entered into a special relationship with India. The NYT reported that Obama did not expect anything other than a firm handshake after leaving his plane in India, but instead he had been upgraded to a welcome with a big hug. 

So with all the talk about what that specific hug actually means for the U.S.-Indian relationship, I can’t help but remember the hugs between leaders of the Eastern Bloc nations during the Cold War. The most memorable one for me (as a Western German) is the one between Soviet leader Leonid Brezhnev and Eastern German General Secretary Erich Honecker from 1979 (see below).

But hugs as political statement also lead to the more general question about the meaning of a tight squeeze. How much can one actually read into a hug? Does a hug always imply a silent message? And does a hug always mark the beginning of a special relationship? We all know that a hug is normally exchanged between close friends and family. Even between colleagues who celebrate special occasions such as birthdays, the birth of a new baby, getting married or engaged, for job promotions, baptisms, etc. But we also hug on sad occasions like funerals, after break-ups, after having failed. It always sends the message that one is not alone and can count on you, right?

But there are also lots of grey areas, where it is rather unclear whether a hug is appropriate or expected or the opposite. Have you ever had moments when you were not really sure? When you have no idea, if you should hug a person for hello and goodbye? I have experienced plenty or weirdness around hugs in different countries and distinct situations. First of all, there are cultural differences. When I lived in Denmark and slowly began to make new friends from a broad spectrum of religious, cultural, and national backgrounds, there was a lot of not knowing whether a hug would be appropriate. Yes, there seem to be cultural and social rules to hugging. The most culturally opposite with respect to hugging, if I remember correctly from my student days, were people from Latin America who were very inclusive with their hugs and those from China who were rather stiff and seemed to avoid all physical contact. 

"We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. 

We need 12 hugs a day for growth."

Medically, it is proven that hugs help people to stay healthy and stay connected. Every person needs 8 hugs per day to improve immunity, release tension, stress, and improve self-esteem and empathy. You may remember the image of a set of premature twin babies in a neonatal unit that was floating around the social media sites last year in which one of the twins was expected not to be able to survive.

Despite her orders, the supervising nurse placed the stronger twin into the bed with the weaker twin  and the most amazing thing happened: the stronger baby placed its arm around the sibling and thus helped her survive by embracing her. The hug helped to raise the sibling’s body temperature and stabilized her condition to that extent that she was able to survive.

This means that hugs have power. With every hug that is at least 10 seconds long the hormone oxytocin is released in our bodies. The result is not only improved self-esteem, the capability of fighting depression, it strengthens our immune system, lowers the risk of heart disease, and fights infections. Oxytocin also decreases the level of stress hormones (primarily cortisol) in our body and lowers our blood pressure response to anxiety-producing events. 

Medical evidence about the power of hugs goes even further: If parents hug their children every day and a hug lasts more than 10 seconds, the children will have a raised self-confidence and will walk through life much happier than those who don’t. One study of mothers affection towards their young children demonstrated that the brain volume of children with a nurturing and hugging mother was 10% larger than that of children with a mother that was not nurturing and didn't hug much. So there is a direct correlation between the development of a child’s brain and better memory and the amount of affection received from their primary care giver. Also another study showed that kids who did not get hugged enough have delayed development in walking, talking, and reading.

So what does it mean in the bigger picture? It means that we should stop worrying about those awkward seconds when we are about to greet a-not-so-close friend and embrace the moment. Carpe diem! Throw all those doubts overboard, denounce cultural, social taboos and lean in for the hug! Make sure to get your recommended 12 hugs a day to stay healthy and happy and form many special relationships.