What is Balance?

We all have busy lives. We have deadlines at work, family obligations and some days we barely manage to do everything we are supposed to do. We worry about traffic and commute. We have to rush to make our meetings on time, being prepared enough. As parents we rush to get everything done for our kids: sign and return permission slips for school, to pack a healthy, well-balanced lunch that they will actually eat;  to pick them up on time; to drop them off to their activities with all the supplies they need; to have a dinner available when the evening comes, of course we strive for home-made and healthy. Most of us don’t have paid helpers, so we have to manage on our own. On many days, we barely make it and compromise our high standards quite a bit. The kid may go to school with not such a healthy lunch after all and dinner may be take-out, some of the clothes may be semi-clean, etc. On most days we experience some kind of stress that comes from rushing all the time. With so busy lives, it seems strange to get up every morning rushing around all day and then go to bed again in order to perform the same dance the next day. It is hectic for most families, but it is so much harder for single parents who work full-time and have to get their kids organized and ready by themselves every day.

In a culture that is so focused on work, it is difficult to find balance. Between working full-time, commuting, and the kid’s activities, there is barely any time to spare. Many people do not even have the time to unwind after a busy day of work, because they are already stressed out about the next day. Living such a hectic life doesn’t seem healthy or sane. It not only makes you wonder how people can endure it in the long run, but you also start doubting the deeper meaning in life. In order to stay healthy, we all need to take time for ourselves. We need unstructured time to relax, recharge and to do “nothing”. We need this valuable time to process things, to remain sharp, but also in order to avoid serious health risks. It allows us to grow, to find what makes us happy, and to progress. 

Unstructured time allows you to figure out what you are really interested in. If you never have free time, how will you know what you like? You keep rushing from one appointment to the next and at the end of a busy day you fall into bed while watching TV without that healthy meal that you had originally promised yourself, you have no time to reflect. When you have some unstructured time, it gives you the chance to take a breather, you can ignore all your to-do-lists for a while and some stress will fall right off you. If instead you run away from the silence that accompanies unstructured time and switch on your TV or radio, you miss an opportunity to refresh your brain. Unstructured time makes you creative. If you have nothing specific to do, you have time to think about things that were on your mind, may get clarity or start to tinker with things. You may enjoy an intellectual challenge that you stumble upon and want to pursue and notice that you like applying your brain in new ways. As some studies have shown, you may have some really great ideas while you are not specifically trying to solve problems or focus on something. Subconsciously, you may be digesting the things that went on at work or in a group setting, but in your free time, you may be able to make sense of it all and find unexpected innovative solutions.

The most creative and innovative thinkers came up with their ideas, inventions or new ways to understand the world while being alone and experiencing unstructured time: Plato sat in his cave, Newton under a tree, Einstein on his bike, and Stephen Jobs in his garage when the innovative ideas hit them. Not that we all have to become geniuses like them or need to develop ideas that have the power to transform the world, but in order to find balance and to understand yourself and your surroundings, we have to spend some time alone in an unstructured environment.

Even for people who don’t work full-time it is hard to find balance. We have the tendency to overdo things that we perceive as important: e.g. if we want to lose weight, our whole life suddenly revolves around the gym, running, swimming, eating, etc. If we focus on being healthy, we tend to instantly devote most of our day to buying great ingredients, cooking and baking fresh foods and observing what we ear. If we want to learn a new skill, we suddenly dive into it, forgetting other things and sometimes people that are important to us. It must be part of human nature that we start obsessing about things. In order to live a healthy life, there needs to be a balance between all the different aspects that make up a good life: the social, intellectual, professional, spiritual, and individual dimensions. If you are not challenged enough in your daily routine, you tend to become lazy and unsatisfied. Even though you don’t have so many things to do, it may get harder and harder for you to do them all, because you are not challenged.

On the other hand, rushing all the time not only makes life less fun, but it also has serious health risks. Recent studies have shown that the levels of hormones that regulate appetite are profoundly influenced by sleep duration and sleep deprivation. Sleep loss is associated with an increase in appetite that is excessive in relation to the caloric demands of extended wakefulness. At the same time, when we feel under stress, we start producing a stress hormone that slows down our metabolism so that we can survive longer on less food. So, if we don’t sleep enough, the production of the appetite reducer is inhibited and we tend to eat more, even though we are not hungry. Due to the lack of sleep, we will not be able to control out food intake levels which necessarily leads to increased waistlines and an increased risk for diabetes. At the same time, gaining weight causes even more stress. Instead of sleeping more to counteract the process, we chose the opposite and make our life even more hectic: schedule more time for the gym and may end up getting even less sleep because of it, which again will increase our waistline.

Balance is not only a problem that parents and adults struggle with, but it also deeply affects children. Many children have lives that are far too busy and too structured. After school, they usually to go to after school care or have scheduled activities, like soccer, baseball, basketball, instrument lessons, etc. or they have planned playdates, visits to doctors, the library, museums or any other kind or activities organized by their well-meaning parents. Recent studies comparing child-raising in the United States with that of other nations have found that in order for children to grow up to be independent, well-rounded, creative, and smart, they need a larger amount of unstructured time, in which children can discover the world through role play. Extensive role play in young years, can free them from anxiety as they practice living through dangerous situations through play. It also allows them to figure out what they are good at and what they enjoy. Having more free or unstructured time as a child, these studies found, makes us smarter, braver, and much more creative. 

As long as the U.S. system doesn’t have the provisions for working parents to take better care of their children (e.g. paternity leave, extended maternity leave, reduced or more flexible work-week for parents) that already exist in many other countries, the weekly rush will probably not change. This means that finding balance is left up to us adults/parents. We have to make a more conscious effort to allow ourselves to rest and sleep enough and to raise our children in an environment that does not keep them busy all day. Instead, we have to allow them to experience plenty of unstructured time that challenges them to be creative and in which they can discover themselves and the world.