What is Vanity?

These days, it seems that a big part of our lives revolves around vanity. We are constantly connected to social media sources, where we share many instances or sequences of our lives. We keep others informed about what we are doing, with whom, and how much fun that was, etc by posting regular selfies. Last year, more than one million selfies are taken per day. The majority of them were shot by individuals in the age range from 18-24. So even mundane situations, like picking up fruit in a grocery store, buying a latte in a coffee shop or finding a rare creature while working in the yard, will be documented, shared, commented on. Since everyone desires positive feedback from their connections, friends or followers, we begin to imagine our next post long ahead of time: the situation/event that would lend itself; the interesting backdrop; the facial expression that would work with it; and not to forget a witty caption. Then, while posing and clicking the picture of ourselves, we use various slightly different angles to get the best shot, which we carefully select afterwards. And even after deciding which one to use, more than a third of selfie posters admitted to changing/editing their self portraits in some ways before publishing it on social media.

Vanity has become a constant companion and in our thoughts that creates and highly censors the self-image that we present to the world. As people engaged more and more with social media, individuals become their own brands intending to appeal to the broader audience. Approval ratings can be measured in likes, new friend requests, new followers, new connections or new additions to one's circles. While the spheres of the public and private become more blurry as the number of narcissistic individuals increases and life begins to revolve more and more around the intended effect of a post, some real life activities become far less spontaneous and more planned out than many of us would care to admit. The current narcissistic trend of constantly double-checking oneself reminds us of the Greek myth of Narcissus who drowned because he could not take his eyes off his own reflection in the water. Many of today's young adults who over-engage with social media experience similar psychological and social problems that may seem unexpected judging from the happy and confident images that they post. Their own vanity can isolate them, like Narcissus, and take them away from society. For the broader community this leads to a set of other, much deeper lying questions about young adult's identity: What is the real reason that leads them to crave the constant desire or even need of approval and specifically the approval of people they mostly don't even know or don't know well? Why and how have superficial perceptions become so important that they can trump other values that have a much more important effect on our communities?

The generation of my late grandmother would find this trend to document oneself tasteless and misplaced. She and her contemporaries would have wondered who would feel comfortable or rather important enough to record themselves throughout the day. She would have found this absurd. She would have wondered how anybody could think that their daily life could be of interest to others to such an extent that they document it, unless they people of interest in public life. Humbleness and willingness to work hard were the characteristics that people of her time and her context (rural Western Europe) adored. They believed that one should always do good, but not talk about it, because bragging was simply taboo. Showing or appearing arrogant or boastful were unforgivable sins. But individuals of her time made the utmost effort to appear appropriately dressed, even in the harshest economic times. They wanted to be regarded as respectable people in their community and display and guard their good reputation.

The generation of my parents who grew up in the postwar years experienced very harsh times in which hunger, losing loved ones, and poverty unfortunately were the norm. Interestingly enough, though, despite all the hardship vanity still survived and, as I was told, some teenage girls were so concerned with fashion trends that they slept with their hair in curlers made out of toilet paper rolls. Due to economics, fashion was simple those days in Western Europe. After the war, it consisted of patchwork styles (as seen on the skirt on the right) and of re-purposing military uniform jackets, because that was what was available. Since many men were gone after the war, women competed over the few that were there (and not wounded) and were extra careful with their bodies and looks, but life certainly did not revolve around vanity, but much more substantial things: money to buy the basic necessities, education, work, and rebuilding life in a very different way than the previous generations.

Today, vanity and selfies are not at all frowned upon, but instead they are acceptable, expected, and even encouraged among peers. And yes, there is social pressure to post more selfies, so that all the connections can get a better picture about what is going on in someone's life. This is a competitious enterprise and full of judgments. You don't only want to look as good as possible, but hopefully much even better than some of your connections, friends or ""frenemies." You want to come across as more fashionable, skinnier, outgoing, and brave. You also want to have the more interesting/diverse backdrop for your selfies. With the invention of the selfie-stick even better self-documentation can be achieved and a more realistic images of your surroundings can be captured while taking a self-portrait. Unfortunately, the competition over the most exclusive shots has led to a rising number of death in 2014. Not only do many people risk their lives by taking selfies hanging from walls or jumping off buildings, but also being in close proximity to dangerous animals or standing on the tip of the highest skyscrapers. It appears to be a highly disproportionate risk for the possibility of a great photo of oneself. Still, for many young people the possibility of short-lived fame on social media may justify it. This not only goes to show that we humans or a large portion of our species are not at all as intelligent as we could be. Self-protection and securing one's own survival should be highest on the list of priorities.

Taking selfies can not only leads to physical danger, injuries, and possible death, but also and more importantly to deep psychological problems. Narcissism does not only encompass revolving around yourself and needing constant reaffirmation of ones own importance from outside sources, but it is above all the result of a deep-rooted inner insecurity. There is the sad, unimaginable story of the British young man Danny Bowman (19), a so-called "selfie addict" who was aiming for a perfect selfie and attempted hundreds of times per day, but was never satisfied with the outcome. He skipped school and stayed inside his house for six month while he kept on trying. He lost a lot of weight and his whole life tilted out control with an attempted suicide attempt. It is taking long-winded treatment to make it possible for him to rejoin society and participate in normal life. This shows that the mental problems that accompany selfie addicts are serious and should not be underestimated. According to a medical professional selfie-takers have an "extremely high suicide rate."

Studies have shown though, that most of selfies are taken by young women. On the one hand it has to do with the stereotypes about women. Women are always expected to look gorgeous, even if they happen to have stressful lives (e.g. full-time jobs and a family to take care of) with little time to work out or focus on their eating habits. On the other hand, it has been argued that this is a way for women to reclaim their own bodies. Taking selfies, women are in total control of their own pictures and decide on the concrete composition of the image. This has been understood as a form of empowerment. If this is actually a way of cutting the chains of expectations that surround women is clearly debatable. In many ways, it seems to feed into the old stereotypes that women are only seen and not heard. As long as this doesn't lead to any further action that is relevant for a broader section of society, in my opinion, this has little to do with empowerment. The time spent on rotating around oneself and finding the perfect image of oneself could be spent with many more useful activities that would change the world (and the image and perception of women) in a more positive way. Maybe vanity and narcissism are used as a way of escaping reality and ignoring the larger problems that need to be addressed (like poverty, education, racism, violence, etc.)? Maybe some young people can avoid the world and their responsibility in it as long as they don't admit that they are actually part of it. If they live in vanity and rotate around themselves, they identify more with their online world than the real world, which leads to a whole new set of problems.

As parents, we have to wonder how we can protect our children from this growing trend of vanity. We have to make sure that we raise our kids with enough confidence that they don't need constant reassurance from third parties, that they grow up with a secure belief in themselves and the community around them. We have to let them know that as humans we have to accept ourselves and our bodies and that those images of seemingly perfect people that flood the media are highly edited and unnatural. We have to make sure that they are grounded in the real world, so that they grow up with a feeling of belonging. This will allow them to feel empathy and become active for people who need them and causes that they find worthy. We have to teach them that vanity is short-lived and the important things in life take time and a lot of effort to come to fruition. Real accomplishments through dedication and hard work will earn them respect, whereas even the greatest selfie will only give them fame for a very short time, should they even get there. We have to let them know that vanity leads to isolation and despair and cannot make anyone happy in the end.