Recipe for Happiness

We all want to be happy, but sometimes, we get caught up in memories that we cannot let go of, feelings that we cannot change or situations, in which we feel trapped. At those times, it is hard to imagine happiness. We all know those dark moments. This is for those days of darkness and isolation. This is for making peace with yourself and others and moving on. This is my recipe for happiness.

1. Accept yourself. It is hard, but we have to accept ourselves, which includes the whole package that we are: our body, our way of thinking, our needs, our age, our worries, our internal contradictions, our unrealistic desires or expectations, our sometimes too high hopes, our complexities, our one-sided take-away from our past, our insecurities and talents. We cannot change who we are, but we have to live with ourselves, so we have to make peace and accept ourselves. (That doesn't mean we cannot work hard to improve many aspects of our lives.)

2. Accept your past. There is no way you can change the past, so you have to accept it. This doesn't mean you have to agree to the ways in which others treated you badly or the moments your made wrong decisions that keep following you. Try to acknowledge the unpleasant experiences that you went through and then focus on the future. Learn from mistakes, wrongful treatment, painful experiences and shift gear. You have the power to change your life and make sure that your future is better.

3. Learn how to be alone. Only if we are alone, we can truly find ourselves. Don't cover that quietness up with music, TV, radio or constant company. Find the quiet inside of you and get to know yourself properly. Deal with your soul and your thoughts and figure out what you want and need.

4. See others with your heart. Measure people by their good intentions. Don't get distracted by their possessions, looks, achievements, and peer group, but see how they interact with you before you pass judgement on them. They may come from a different socio-economic class, ethnic background, another country with a different religion or culture, etc., etc. but they may be trying to do the right thing. Attempt to understand life from their perspective with all their worries and sets of constraints.

5. Be kind. Don't be suspicious about people and give everyone the benefit of a doubt. Most of us are trying to live our life as best we can, but people make mistakes, most of them NOT on purpose. Forgive them and give them second chances. Treat everyone with kindness. They will remember and think of you as they treat others with kindness themselves.

6. Don't hold grudges. Grudges don't lead anywhere, they just poison the present and the memories of the past. Forgive people their errors, their mistreatment of you and move on. Turn the energy that it takes you to hold grudges into something positive.

7. Don't waste time. Time is all we have in life, so don't waste it on things that don't matter in the long run. Spend it with people who are close to you, family and friends and try to make life better for you and them. Leave something useful behind that friends and family can remember you by, once your time is up. Leave them with many positive memories, gifts, smiles. Also leave them money, if you can, to make their lives easier. Let them think of you with warmth and gratefulness to have been close to you. Set an example. Be brave and do all the things you wanted to do while you are still healthy and have time: climb that mountain, run that marathon, write that book, travel to that special place, meet that old friend again that you miss and tell people how you feel about them. Do everything you can, so that you have no regrets at the end of your life.

8. Move. Humans are not made for being inactive. Our bodies need to move. See to it that you stay as active as you can. Go for a walk outside, play sports or run with the kids, take an exercise class. If we sit at work 8-10 hours a day, we have to compensate by being active for the rest of the day. We may fit a walk/run into your lunch break or get a desk, at which we can stand. Some can set up a treadmill under the standing desk and walk while at work. Moving makes us healthier and happier.

9. Eat good food. Good food doesn't mean it has to be expensive, but you should eat healthy most of the time. A good meal makes you feel better instantly. Learn how to cook, use a variety of vegetables and engage in the adventure of preparing healthy, balanced meals (not overloaded with carbohydrates) for yourself and your loved ones. It may take some time to get it right, but you will improve and it will make you feel good. As you learn about foods, spices, and different ways of cooking, you will be more and more in control of your body, which will give you confidence and make you feel better.

10. Use your brain. Try to figure things our by yourself and make up your own mind about things. Have an opinion and share it. There are so many people trying to tell us what to think and what is right and wrong, that we sometime follow the loudest or the richest or the most persuasive. But we should always try to think things through on our own and see if we honestly agree with others before we join any bandwagon. Don't give others power over you by following them blindly.

11. Work hard. Do your best at your job to develop the skills to reach your full potential. Don't cut corners, but devote enough time and energy to learn your trade from the bottom up, inside-out. As your skills develop, acknowledgement in your profession will come your way.

12. Stay curious and keep learning. Life is all about change and adapting to change. As we grow older, we still have to keep adapting to new ways of doing things (e.g. new technologies), learn about new discoveries, new ways of teaching, new evidence about the past, etc. If you want to stay relevant and be part of the current discussions, you have to keep up, which includes being informed and nurturing your curiosity.

13. Do something different every week. Spice your life up with tiny, little changes that you make every week. Take a new way to work, try a new lunch place, go to a different park, find a new trail, eat some new foods, cook a new recipe, try a new skill, talk to someone you do not know etc., etc. This will keep your life a bit more exciting and there are so many awesome things out there, you may discover a whole range of new things that you like and would otherwise have never experienced.

14. Clean up and declutter. As we take care of your bodies, we should also take care of our living space. Declutter and minimize the things in your home. It will give you space to breathe and lets you focus on more important things.

15. Be part of a group. Join a group, it can be a spiritual, political or religious group, an exercise group, a group of volunteers helping at the local library or the senior citizen home, etc., etc. Find a group and a cause that your find worthwhile and donate your time and energy. You will make connections with like-minded people, build your social network, and feel better about yourself and the world.

16. Don't waste money. Don't waste money on things you don't really need. It makes no sense. Once money is spent, it is hard to earn it back.

17. Minimize watching TV. We have a short time here on earth, so don't waste it in front of the TV. We can make real contributions to the world, if we try and put our minds to it. In order to do that we do NOT have to be rich (like the Gates' family), but just determined like Malala.

18. Acknowledge beauty around you. Go outside and open your eyes. Contemplate nature and discover the beauty around you. It will make you feel part of the bigger picture and can make you feel grateful to be alive.